That Can't Really Be My Liver, Can It??!!!!

                      

                                       

Yesterday morning I woke up just about clawing the walls.  Well, well never felt pain like this in all my life.  I was screaming at my mother, "This is from my liver?????????????"  Confirmation from both her and my doctor says yes indeed.  I feel like I've been kicked over and over again in my right rib cage and all over my back.  It hurts to walk and lift my arms.  It's sort of like jabbing sharp pains all over.  Just fabulous!  I can only sleep laying on my left side and getting out of bed??  For getta 'bout it!  At least I have a liver though, right?? And I am still breathing (although that hurts too!  Ha ha).

Needless to say, I am doped up on MANY pain killers and the mammogram and ultra sound have been rescheduled for September 5th at 1:45 pm.

I must crawl back into bed.  I'll write more tomorrow.

I love y'all!

 

*** Please say prayers for Tammy and her family. 

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (He is starting chemo and radiation again.), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is in Iraq.

 

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

The Verdict Is In

                        

I want to tell each one of you how humbled I am with your comments, prayers and kind words.  WOW ~ I am abundantly blessed.  Thank you for taking the time to share in my journey and for giving me the inspiration to write and to inspire.

There is a 2.5 cm malignant tumor ON my liver.  Now, before you gasp or get upset.  You should first know, it can be treated!  If it were IN my liver it would be far worse.  I am being referred to a Gastroenterology Oncologist(that's a mouthful!).  More than likely, he will biopsy the tumor through my belly button.  There are two options for treatment.  Surgery and lasering the little booger right off of my liver.  I know this is going to shock some of you...I AM WILLING to have the treatment.  My appointment with him is September 14th.  Let's all do some rejoicing that the tumor is not only treatable but on my liver and not in it.

After telling my parents, my father held up his glass and said, "Here's to a malignant tumor that is ON the liver!"  Mom and I laughed.  After all, who ever thought we'd be toasting the fact that I have a malignant tumor!  Ohhh but there is such a bright side and we have to celebrate that!

Thursday is the ultra sound for my breasts and mammogram.  The lump is still there.  Pray that it's only a cyst!

Thank you all for your patience and for respecting my needs.

Thank you to my always amazing, supportive, loving sister.  This journey would be impossible without you.

Thank you Michelle and Michael for the gorgeous flowers.

Thank you Jules for being so thoughtful.  We are looking forward to supper tomorrow.  I cannot wait to see you!!

Thank you Melinda for sharing your "treasures" with me.  I haven't found a place for them just yet...but I will.

MN ~ Sure do love you back, a whole bunch!!!!!!!!!

Amy W. ~ We have to do lunch!  I'll be back September 22nd!

Leeann ~ What country are you in now????  Ha ha ha!!!  xoxoxox

Uncle Don ~ It's been forever since I've seen you!!  Please come visit!  I love you!

Stephen....speechless.

I am going to sleep like an angel tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't forget to count your blessings!! 

Have faith and believe in miracles.

I love y'all!

 

*** Please say prayers for Tammy and her family. 

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (He is starting chemo and radiation again.), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is in Iraq.

 

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

Until tomorrow

This will be short, it's late. I'm sorry it's taken me all day to get to this.  For those of you who are having a hard time waiting, think how much harder it must be for my sister.  Waiting is hard.  We've been in this exact place together before, and yes, it is still difficult to wait.  I've heard that patience is a virtue, sometimes it just seems like torture.  Even still, we must be patient.

Rene did talk to her doc today, he said, "I'll see you tomorrow at 2:15 to go over your results."  So, hopefully tomorrow will bring news.

Have you called Rene's cell phone lately?  Some of you are saying, "Why would I call Rene?  Pamela told us not to call."  Others are saying, "I know her new phone message is directed at me."  Rest assure the message is not directed to any one person, it's for everyone.

I told Rene that you are all just worried and want to leave messages of concern, that's why you're calling so much.  I also suggested she change her message to reflect the fact that she is not taking calls,and then shut off her phone.  So, feel free to leave a message, the ringing and the phone are off.  Hopefully she'll rest more peacefully now.

Well,  I'm off to bed.  Please call me if you need to talk, I'm happy to talk to you.  Keep praying for a miracle, God performs them everyday.  Thank you so much for the support and love you offer my sister.  There are no words to express my gratitude.

Until tomorrow...
Pamela

I Apologize...

If my entry was abrasive last night.  If you can't tell, I'm grumpy.

Pamela is going to update you with the rest of the "news".

I love and appreciate y'all.

About Tomorrow...

The Eagles vs Steelers game ended not too long ago.  I am thankful it is pre season!  The last touchdown of the game was good football...but painful to watch!

I will make phone calls tomorrow IF I get test results back.  Please, please, please try to understand that I don't want to be hurtful.  I do need to process my own feelings and fear though!  When I am listening to questions that I have no answers for and trying to comfort others...it is difficult to feel peaceful about anything and it keeps me feeling restless.

I love you all for your prayers, concern and support.  Please remember to come here and read if you feel lost and do not know what is going on with me.  It is originally why I created this journal!!!!!!  If you do not see an entry from me, I promise there will be one posted by my sister.

It is after my bedtime and I need to tuck in.

Count your blessings tonight and while you are falling asleep remind yourself of five "things" you have gratitude for.

I love y'all.

 

*** Please say prayers for Tammy and her family. 

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (He is starting chemo and radiation again.), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is in Iraq.

 

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

Hello, It's Me Again!

                                                 

My sister is fabulous, isn't she??  When I started this entry, we were on the phone together looking for pictures of angels that I could post on here.  However, when we hung up...I decided to use the above.  That is a print by Brian Andreas.  He is one of my favorites.  I actually have that particular print. My sister gave it to me.  It's appropriate.  Read the words. 

When I went for the liver ultrasound.  I had to pick up the doctor's orders, before going to the cancer center to have the test done.  I walked in the office and the girl at the front desk said, "Wow...you've been here everyday this week."  I asked her if that meant I got a discount on my bill.  She said,  "No but I'll try to give you some sort of frequent flyer miles!"  Ha ha!

I walked out to the elevator opening the sealed envelope with the orders and saw the diagnosis.  It said "LIVER MASS".  Now, I don't know about you...but to me, it seemed like there was a huge difference between my doc saying it was "spot" and seeing it written as a mass.  I realize that is the medical terminology but YIKES!

Anyway, no results still and that makes for a very long weekend.  I tried catching up on some much needed sleep today but my phone kept ringing.  Hmmmm...if I read the above entries....that wasn't suppose to happen!!!  :)  I love y'all for being concerned and wanting to know what is going on though!!

The comments have been great.  Thankyou with all my heart and gratitude!!  I couldn't help but laugh reading all the "Rene comments".  I had forgotten that those of you who have never personally met me, might not actually know my name is Irene and my childhood nickname is Rene (pronounced Reenie).

Our spirits here at the house seem to be better.  I feel closer to my parents than I have my entire life.  It's amazing the "gifts" that come from challenges and obstacles.  I wish people would pay better attention to these lessons.  They matter in the big picture.  In fact, they are a huge part of the big picture.

I woke up at 4:00 am this morning.  I was hurting all over. I thought I would check emails while I was up. FC (my cousin Rachel) "caught" me on line. I told her to call me.  We cried together.  About me and her and "stuff". The sun was coming up when we decided to say goodnight.  The "time" with her, the conversation was one of those moments (a very long moment!!) in my life that felt perfect. Timing, words and the company.  I sure love you Rach. 

I am going to snuggle up and get some sleep.

All of you make a difference in my life.  I love you for it.

When you wake up in the morning, try to see the big picture in your life.  Moments are what we have, and they should be treasured.  Lessons don't always come easy, but they open our eyes and with any luck put what is important, into perspective.  Chase the dream.  Know there's hope. Believe in miracles.  Even when "it" feels bad.  Life is oh so good.

I thank God for giving me these words and for the blessing of my amazing journey in this life.

Good night.

 

*** Please say prayers for Tammy and her family. 

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (He is starting chemo and radiation again.), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is in Iraq.

 

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

No New News

No new news today.  The ultrasound went as expected.  Rene said they poked and prodded and it was a little uncomfortable and that's about it.  We haven't heard anything from the Doc, maybe tomorrow, maybe not.  I'll let you know when I know something.

I noticed no one called me, and I trust that you are all heeding my advice and giving mom, dad, and Rene some quiet reflection time.  They're not quite to the surface for air yet, but they are getting closer.  Thanks for giving them the time that they need.

Mom, dad, and Rene spent most of the afternoon and evening together, away from the house (and the phone).  They went to the new house, waited for the doc to call, went back to the other house, hoped that the doc would call, then went out to Fatz for dinner, assuming they weren't going to hear from the doc today.  They were right.

Okay, now you know everything I know.  I promise when they are ready to talk, you'll hear from them.

Lots of prayers for strength, patience, and optimism.  Our God is truly amazing, in Him, anything is possible.

Sweet dreams,
Pamela

P.S.-What do you think of those pictures?  That's Rene's room in the new house.  Don't you love the Optimistic Yellow (that's actually it's name)?!

The News II

Well, I logged on to this site tonight to journal for my sister and she's already been here.  So, let me say, if you haven't read Rene's entry, please read on after you finish this one.   We got some good news and some not so good news today.  You'll have to read on to hear the details.  But I'm writing to ask that you give mom (and dad) and Rene sometime to come up for air.  Everyone who needs to be called has been, and fielding phone calls will not give anyone a chance to rest, reflect, or pray.  If you really feel like you need to talk to someone call me, PLEASE!  I've seen God work miracles in Rene.  I'm holding on to the hope that tomorrow will bring more miracles.  For now, please pray, please remember the good news from today and don't let the not so good news outweigh it, please remember that we are all blessed in so many ways, and please in my sister's words "remember to count your blessings." 

With much love,
Pamela
202-609-9854

The News

                       

The good news is the lymph nodes in my tummy are simply unhappy!!  Cancer free lymph nodes...YEA!!

The interesting news is I have a hernia.  My oncologist thinks it's from the heavy coughing.  At this point, he doesn't think surgery is neccessary.  I'm sure most of you aren't surprised I've "picked up" a new ailment!  What's new!?!!!!

The bad news is the ultrasound showed a "spot" on my liver.  The doctor is hoping it is an Adenoma (benign liver tumor.)  Tomorrow, I will have another ultrasound so he can determine the size, shape and most importantly if it is malignant or not. 

As far as the lump in my breast.  It is "suspicious" .  I am having a mammogram and ultrasound the 30th.  If it is not a cyst, it will be surgically removed for a biopsy.

I've been crying on and off since "the news".  I'm scared and at this point not feeling so glass half full.

Please say prayers that the spot is an Adenoma.

I am going to bed.

Thank you to all those that commented on my last entry with jokes, prayers of support and love, and the continued inspiration.

I love y'all so much.

Mom and Dad ~ how can I even begin to find the words telling you how much I appreciate you and love you??!!!!!!!!  You are AMAZING.

Pamela ~ I'm not sharing the spot light.  No more hospital visits for you, until I am at the breakfast table....got it?????  Ha ha.

Stephen ~ Thank you for making it about me.  I knew you were a smart man a very long time ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  :)

Michelle ~ I miss you already!  Enjoy Myrtle Beach!

*** Please say prayers for Tammy and her family.  Her father got his angel wings and is now saving a seat at the breakfast table.

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (He is starting chemo and radiation again.), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is home from the war safely and will be going back in two weeks.

 

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

Selfish

I'm feeling blue and need some "lifting up".  Words of wisdom, inspiration, anything to give me a good belly laugh is welcomed and selfishly requested.

My CT scan and biopsy are at 8:15 am tomorrow.  The doctor will also check my breasts out.  That sounds funny and obscene...doesn't it?

I need to tuck in.  It is late.

I love y'all.

***Prayers for me please.

***Prayers for  Tony Luke Jr.
*** Prayers for Tammy, her father and their family.
*** Please say prayers for Nathan (He is starting chemo and radiation again.), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is home from the war safely and will be going back in two weeks.

 

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

 

The Drive, Some Pizza And A Lump.

Sunday afternoon, Michelle, Michael (her son) and I jammed the trunk of her brand new Camry full of luggage.  We were beginning our adventure to South Carolina.  Despite the tummy issues, and the fact that I had started bleeding again...we were off.

As a reminder, Michelle is my friend that I met at Capital Women's Care who took care of me after my surgeries and hospital stays...and up until the time I moved to Anderson.  She's a class act and we don't spend nearly enough time together!!!!!!

Other than some terrible traffic in Virginia, our drive was uneventful. Full of great conversation, great music and as always laughter.  We arrived in Anderson just a little after midnight.  Mom waited up for us, I knew she would.  She offered to feed us before we even had the chance to bring our luggage in, as I knew she would!!  That's my Momma!

(Have you ever heard of Steak ~N~ Shake??  Ohhhh fudge...that's a different story for another day!!!!!!)

Michelle and Michael tucked in somewhere after 1:30 am.  I think Mom and I stayed awake catching up and chatting until almost 3:00 am.

Morning came quickly, but joyfully.  I was eager to hang out with my friends and Mom said she was taking us to see the new house!

I can't even begin to describe how beautiful the house is!  I took MANY pictures.  It's unbelievable how much work has gone into building it.  My room is painted a beautiful shade of Optimistic Yellow.  Oh yes, I did decide that particular shade of yellow because of the name!!!!!!!  Dad thinks it is too bright.  I told him I loved it...and I do!

We went to lunch at Ci Ci's.  I was hardly careful.  When I was done eating pizza, I had a brownie and a small cinnamon bun.  We were going to get our nails done afterwards...but my tummy had other plans.  I know, it was my fault.  I ate entirely too much.  It won't happen again. Seriously.

.

We came back to the house.  I took some meds and napped.  Michael watched a movie and Michelle ventured off into Anderson to have a manicure and get her car washed.

They leave Wednesday morning...and I know the time will come all too soon.  Michelle is part of that "wind beneath my wings".  I couldn't do this cancer stuff without her.  Everyone needs a Michelle in their life!!!!!!!

My biopsy and CT scan are Wednesday.  I've placed a call to my doctor in the meantime...there's a lump in my right breast.

I sure do love y'all and I am extremely grateful and blessed you continue to walk this journey with me.

Please keep the prayers and comments coming!!!  It all helps! 

 

***Prayers for  Tony Luke Jr.
*** Prayers for Tammy, her father and their family.
*** Please say prayers for Nathan (He is starting chemo and radiation again.), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is home from the war safely and will be going back in two weeks.

 

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

Shrimp, Breast Feed?????

I was happy to be in Philly to see my family yesterday.  It felt very weird to be at my cousin's house, without my Aunt Gloria.  She is missed terribly by everyone, and it wasn't just the conversation that told me so. There was plenty of laughter with the reminiscing and tears though.  I am grateful for that.  Of course, when Ellie came into the kitchen to tell us she had seen a shrimp breast feeding...it set the silly mood for the remainder of our visit.  When we went out for dinner, it seemed that time flew by as we laughed until tears were rolling down our cheeks and our tummies hurt.  Philadelphia was great!!!! Not to mention, the Eagles redeemed themselves in their second pre season game!!!!

Jess and Elan, I hope you're enjoying your soccer tournaments and playing well!!

FC ~ the ring is beautiful and Pierre is adorable.  Tom, ya done good!!  Ha ha.

Marsh, thanks for doing my laundry and for the supply of mattress pads.  Now, step away from the teeth.

Uncle Gravy, I love you.  I'm sorry you hurt so badly and wish I had some brilliant words to make "it" all better. I don't...but what I can tell you is grief is ever changing. There are days that will seem healing and days that seem entirely too long. Do whatever feels right for you, and please know you aren't alone.  Don't forget, there's a ship in South Carolina waiting for you!!!!!!!

I'll be going back to Anderson tomorrow.  I'm riding with my friend, Michelle.  I'm hoping my body feels a little happier for the eight hour ride.

I dread goodbyes with the Browning bunch...however I will be returning September 22nd via plane thanks to "the man"!!  YEA!!!!!!

***Prayers for safe traveling for Michelle, Michael and I.
***Prayers for  Tony Luke Jr.
*** Prayers for Tammy, her father and their family.
*** Prayers for Julie.
*** Please say prayers for Nathan (He is having a bone marrow aspiration), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is home from the war safely and will be going back in two weeks.

 

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

In The Scheme Of Things...

I complained too much today, even though I heard Ellie singing the words to a song she made up and it brings me great happiness.

I complained too much today, even though my nephew hugged me tightly as if his life depended on it.

I complained too much today, even though I got a great haircut from someone who was enthusiastic about cutting my hair and giving me a "funky" cut.

I complained too much today, even though Barbi came and made dinner for all of us and kept me company even while I napped.

I complained too much today, even though most of my day I was with my sister and the kids.  Something I cannot "get" enough of.

I complained too much today, even though I was able to laugh.

I complained too much today, even  though I could breathe and the pain was bearable if I laid down and took my pain meds.

I was reading emails before I started this entry.  I read one from a dear friend who told me her father was making his journey "to the breakfast table".  I cried for her, and selfishly for me too.  In the scheme of "things", today I took everything for granted.  Sometimes, even I need some grounding and perspective to remind me that even though I feel bad...it could be much worse.

Before you fall asleep tonight, remind yourself that it's almost always "small stuff" and not worth the fuss.  Remember, if you have food on your table, you have fresh air to breathe, a place to rest your head, a prayer, a blessing, loved ones and little ones to love...your life is full and you are rich.  Stop complaining.  I will too.


*** Prayers for Tammy, her father and their family.
*** Prayers for Julie.

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (He is having a bone marrow aspiration), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is home from the war safely and will be going back in two weeks.

 

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

I Should Be Asleep

I should be asleep BUT I'm having some pain I don't particularly care for.  So, I've come downstairs to try to sleep on the recliner, hoping to be more comfortable.

Yesterday was full of adventure.  I drove back into Mo County to pick up prescriptions, went by the Capital Women's Care in Rockville to chat and say goodbyes and then I got stuck in some serious traffic right before the bridge coming back into DC.  Now, let me tell you while sitting waiting for traffic to move.  (If I never mentioned it, I am now.  Patience is my least favorable quality!) I noticed it was only my lane not moving!!  I put my signal on to change lanes and oh my goodness...not an accident BUT an idiot who needed to change lanes.  No one would let him over to do so.  What does he do??  Stops dead in the center of his lane, keeps his signal on and continues to wait and hold up the other cars just so he can  get over.  I didn't do so well with that needless to say!!

Moving forward....Dinner was at Peking Gourmet in Virginia.  It was  Tita and Uncle Al's plan.  A bunch of us met there at 7:00 pm.  With the exception of one little Izzy, and her red headed Momma who ummmmmm arrived a little late!!!  Others at the round table: My cousin Richard, Barbi, Marlo (he was my supervisor at Capital Women's Care), my brother in law's parents and of course my sister, Dave and the kids.  Great bunch, don't ya think??  You've never had duck until you've been to this place!  Holy cow, it was UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There was even a little old Chinese man (chef??) who came to the table with the ducks and carved them, effortlessly.  I promise you, by the time Red (Heather) arrived.  No duck for her (sorry Red!!!!).  We finished three of them!! Guess what???  There was still more  food coming.  DELICIOUS...and no tummy "incidents".  YEA!!!  Mom, you have to come here!!!!!  You will love it. 

After full tummies, mango ice cream and fortune cookies we hugged and kissed and said goodbyes.  Barbi, Marlo and I then headed off for...yup you guessed it our "regular" bar.  The Stained Glass Pub.  It was karaoke night!!  I couldn't even pay Marlo to sing, but Barbi and I sure did.  In between the shots we were drinking of course!!  Only four.  That's taking it easy for us!!

Barb and I got back onto base around 1:30 am.  The ride was pleasant. Windows down, discussing issues, life and love.  The usual.  :)  She's asleep in my room now...and I'm now going to try to fall asleep before the sun rises.

Thank you to everyone that joined me tonight.  I am blessed and loved and could not be more grateful.

Please don't take your loved ones for granted or the precious moments God gives you.  Life is a celebration.  Laugh plenty.  Love just as much and live in the moment!!

I love y'all very much.

*** Prayers for Julie, please!!!!!!!!!!

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (He is having a bone marrow aspiration), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is home from the war safely and will be going back in two weeks.

 

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

Another Thought For Today

"Every survival kit, should include a sense of humor."

                  Author Unknown

What I Want To Share With You Today

* My nieces and nephew are incredibly compassionate and caring with my cancer.
*At some point...we're all going to have to sit in traffic.  It's all in how you deal with it.
*The name game is fun no matter what age you are.
*You should always be careful and considerate with others feelings.
*Sometimes it's difficult to remember where Oklahoma is on the map.
*Laughter eases pain.
*Family makes all the difference in the world.
*Unexpected kisses make me smile.
*PEZ still exists.
*Leaning back in your chair at the dinner table...not smart.
*I'm going to Philly on Friday.  It's the first time I will see my family there since my Aunt Gloria died.
*Sometimes praying makes me cry.
*The new show The Singing Bee ROCKS!!
*Pre season football started!!!!!!!!!
*It's ok to "check in" with your parents at age 35.
*Pam and Ellie don't like peas.
*It's no fun cleaning up dog poo early in the morning!!  Ha! ha!
*Just because it's called an Easy Bake Oven...doesn't mean it's actually easy to use.
*Doing laundry sucks.
*Hugs any time of day, work for me!
*There's a plane bringing me back to DC in September.

I love y'all.  Sweet Dreams!

*** Prayers for Julie, please!!!!!!!!!!

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (He is having a bone marrow aspiration), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is home from the war safely and will be going back in two weeks.

 

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

Have You Been Wondering...

where I've been??  I am perfectly fine, don't y'all worry!  Wednesday, "the man" came to get me and we've just come back from a mini vacation together.  It was fabulous.  Lots of quiet time and pampering.  He's unbelievably wonderful.  I can't even begin to describe how happy he makes me and just how much fun we have when we are together!  It's love!  Shhhhhhhhhh don't tell anyone!  :)

As long as I eat extremely small portions, my tummy seems to be content.  My sister said that if I complain about  not keeping food down, it's because I've eaten too much at one time and it's my fault.  She's a tough one, I tell ya!

I'm going to close this for now.  I will write more later.

I love y'all tons!

The Balance

  Yesterday was a fabulous day!!  Sarah's riding lesson was cancelled but Pamela said I could still take the Suburban into Mo County to "run around".  Now, anyone who knows me well realizes I am terrible following directions.  So, getting me out of DC was a task.  Not 15 minutes into my drive,  I was already going the wrong way.  Pamela of course, got me untwisted and stayed on the phone with me until we knew I was going the correct way...and I finally was. 

The drive wasn't terrible and when I saw the signs for 270 and Montgomery County, I called the man, as excited as a little kid.  I was thrilled to be in familiar territory.

I visited my "family" at Capital Women's Care, both offices.  Not much has changed there, and seeing everyone was heart warming and exciting.  For those of you that don't know, I worked for Capital Women's Care when ALL of my health issues...became SERIOUS issues.  They were beyond good to me.  So, when I say family.  I mean it with all my heart.  Everyone was shocked at the weight loss and there were lots of jokes about cancer being the new diet plan!!!  Dr.  Lakner told me a survivor story of one of his friends.  I appreciate survivor stories and the fact that he took time to share it with me.  By the way Mom, Kumba asked about you and Dad and Dr. Laurin did as well.  As I said previously, they are my family.

Stephen asked me to meet him at his office at 5:15 pm.  Yes, it was the first time we had seen each other in a year and a half. Nervous doesn't even cut it for how I was feeling.  I spoke to Julie the entire time I was waiting for him.  I seriously thought I was going to be sick.  Jules, thanks for laughing at me!!!!!!!!!!!!  He was a few minutes late, but when I saw his face I couldn't have been happier.  Of course, I was still so nervous he actually had to open the door of the Suburban and help me out.  It seemed like no time had been between us at all.   I wouldn't let go of his hand and he kept saying he couldn't believe we were together again.   I know some of you are gagging with this "love story"...but really.....it has taken me FOREVER to get it right so I deserve the happy ending and all the mushy stuff in between!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  :)

By the time I got back on base, dinner had been tossed up, and sitting was more painful than I care to explain.  I took a pain killer and tucked in.

Today, I stayed medicated all day.  Walking even hurts.  Not a little, ALOT.  I can feel more lymph nodes in my tummy that have popped out.  It really scares me.  I suppose it wouldn't so much, if I wasn't in such pain.  Well, maybe that isn't true.  Regardless, it is what it is....cancer, and I am certain it is spreading.

I spent some shut door alone time with my oldest niece, Sarah.  She's a great kid.  We giggled and traded sarcasm.  I love her so much and when she gets older I can only hope she knows how special those moments were for me.  I am blessed.

Other than that, I slept most of the day.  I came downstaits around 10:00 pm.  Pamela was getting ready to go up for bed.  She hugged me and it felt good to cry on her shoulder.  I wish it was that way all the time.  She shared with me that both her and David peeked in on me while I was asleep.  The difference between the two of them checking on me was this...Pamela ALWAYS makes certain I am still breathing.  Dave just makes certain I am there!!!  Ha ha!!!  :)

It always seems like with one GREAT day, there's a not so great day to follow.  Often it is difficult to remember if I didn't have one, I couldn't feel the other.  I appreciate that balance in life.  I am well aware it absolutely has to happen.  Without one, there can't be the other.  When I say to you, I am grateful for the tragedy and situations in my life.  I mean it.  If it wasn't for such sadness and pain, I could never enjoy absolute joy and happiness.

Tomorrow is a new day.  I pray I will see it.  If I don't...I'll "save you a seat at the breakfast table".

I love y'all.

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (They didn't "get it all".), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is in Iraq, fighting the war.

 

If this is yourfirst time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

A Tub, A Sleep Over And Some Chocolate Chip Cookies.

Imagine this...you are all alone.  The house is quiet.  You start running warm bath water.  You add some smell good oil.  The tub fills and you gently put yourself in to soak.  You are relaxing, telling yourself how good it feels to take a bath.  When suddenly, panic sets in!!!!!!  You realize, getting out of the bath tub is going to be a task!  It is as if you had forgotten the painful tumor in your spine and how much your tummy aches when you bend.  Oh but reality sets in...and you begin talking to yourself.  Saying things like "I am going to be stuck in here until my sister comes home" and "what the hell was I thinking getting into the tub with no one else home AND locking the bathroom door" - "what if they don't come home until late...I'll be a prune, I'll freeze".  Then you get it together, remembering you are "ok" and move very slowly to get out of the tub safely.  Ha ha ha! PHEW!!!!  That was a close call!!!!!!! I didn't prune either and my skin is all nice and silky smooth and soft.

There is a slumber party here at the Browning home tonight.  Sorry if you missed your invitation.  It's just kids!  Although, Barb did join us for dinner.  We had burgers and dogs and corn and "stuff". Home made chocolate chip cookies for dessert!
It was yummy.  I even treated myself to a very, very small pina colada.  Only half a glass after three big gulps...which would make it a full glass.  JUST JOKING!!  I didn't even finish it, so stop with that look Mom and Dad!!!!!  (My Aunt Gloria would be commenting on this too!)   We watched CARS and now they are all tucking in.  Of course, if you remember sleep overs from when you were a child, there will be lots of giggling and shhhhhhhhhhh ing before anyone actually sleeps! 

I'm taking Sarah (my 10 year old niece) to riding lessons tomorrow.  So, for all those reading who live in Mo County....I'll be in your neck of the woods.  If you have a minute and want to see me...I'm happy to do a "drive by".

Again, I have tons of comments today on different journal entries.  WOW!! is all I keep saying.  Reading all of the prayers and supportive words gives me more healing then any surgery or medication could ever do.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!                                                                                                                                                   
(Pamela just yelled up the stairs, "Girls go to sleep"...I told ya!!  Too funny!)

Two upchucking incidents.  Everything else, status quo.

I love y'all.  Thank you for continuing to share this journey with me.

Sweet dreams.


 

*** Please say prayers for my family.

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (They didn't "get it all".), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is in Iraq, fighting the war.

 

If this is yourfirst time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

Overwhelmed

Holy Cow! I must have at least 20 AOL notifications that people have commented on my journal entries!!

Welcome to all you first time visitors.  There aren't enough words to thank you for your kind words of healing, support, inspiration and prayers.  Again, I am abundantly blessed. If you have a journal and included the link in your comments...please be patient with me.  I promise to add your link, to mine so others may share in your life too.

I am here in DC after a very long train ride.  I can promise you, I won't be doing that again.  However, like my sister said, "How bad could it have really been??  It delivered you to me!!"  Who can argue with that?!!!

My nieces and nephew are amazing.  I could "watch" them forever.  Do they have to grow up??

I've kept all my food down today.  I think the solution really is to eat extremely small portions throughout the day.  Let's hope and pray on that!

I'm very tired and my tummy and back are hurting.  I am going to tuck in and catch up on some much needed sleep.

I love y'all.  You humble me.

Good night.

 

*** Please say prayers for my family.

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (They didn't "get it all".), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is in Iraq, fighting the war.

 

If this is yourfirst time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

Ohhhh My...

Sitting outside the train station. So I hear, the train is two hours behind! How is that even possible? Please pray for my patience! I love y'all!

Leaving On A Jet...TRAIN!?!!!!!!!!!!

This time tomorrow, I'll be with my sister and family.  Hopefully, Stephen too.

We're leaving for the train station at 9:00 pm.  My train leaves at 10:33 pm.  I've figured out how to add journal entries from my cell phone.  So, don't be surprised if you see an entry from me in the middle of the night!  I don't get into DC until 10:00 am Saturday.

Dad made some small muffins for me to take. YEAH!! Ohhhh I tried the vanilla shake "remedy".  Unfortunately, it gets added to the list of "can't haves".

Pray for safe and comfortable traveling!

I sure do love y'all.

Thank you Julie for coming by with the kids and for my "bling" and priceless locket.  I love you!

 

*** Please say prayers for my family.

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (They didn't "get it all".), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is in Iraq, fighting the war.

 

If this is yourfirst time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

 

Bumps In My Tummy

My sister said the only difference between yesterday and today is that today I have more information on my cancer.  Otherwise, nothing has changed.  I still may be here in 50 years.  I just might die tomorrow.  None of us knows when God is going to call us home.  With that said, I quickly brushed away my tears, called Pamela and told her she was absolutely right!

I did not have the biopsy today.  If you remember the biopsy was only being done to stage the tumor in my spine for treatment.  Since I am not  "therapeutic", my oncologist didn't want to continue on with the biopsy.  What he did decide was that he needed to control my pain and vomiting.  Stop the bleeding "for good" and diagnose the new lumps in my tummy that seem to have popped up everywhere.

As my doctor was feeling around my tummy...he looked at me and said, "Darlin' this isn't good.  Those are your lymph nodes."  Now, some of you may think that's a harsh way to tell a patient "bad" news.  I on the other hand, love him as my physician because he is "like" that.  He doesn't sugar coat anything and delivers the news with care and humor.  I respect that.  So, he helped me up off  the examining table and sent me for a CT scan.

It's my lymph nodes and well if anyone knows anything about metastasizing cancer...lymph nodes are a TERRIBLE place for cancer to invade.  On the 22nd he will do an FNA.  Fine needle biopsy of the lymph nodes.  It's exactly what it sounds like.  A very thin needle will be put into the largest lymph node in my tummy.  The results will go to pathology and he'll tell me if the lymph nodes are cancerous.

"Medically speaking, and I'm a specialist...those lymph nodes are probably cancerous ."  He says to me.  He continues, "Do you want to know the statistics for cancer that's spread to the nodes??" Blah, blah, blah.  I don't do statistics!!!  I certainly wasn't shocked to hear that those lymph nodes might be holding cancer cells.

I took lots of pain meds when I came home.  After all that poking, I hurt worse.  I slept most of the afternoon and through dinner.  When I woke, I had a banana muffin that Dad made.  I didn't throw it up either.  I joked with Mom that maybe my tummy will only tolerate foods Dad makes.  Now, that couldn't be terrible....right?!!!!!!

It's way past bedtime and I'm still feeling the pain.  I need to tuck in.

I leave for DC tomorrow evening.

Pray for miracles, please.

I love y'all.

 

*** Please say prayers for my family.

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (They didn't "get it all".), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is in Iraq, fighting the war.

 

If this is yourfirst time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!