I canceled my doctor's appointment yesterday. I was too uncomfortable and medicated to take the 40 minute drive. It didn't go over very well with my doctor who demanded I go for a blood draw anyway or I could forgot about seeing him today. He reminded me I was just about the most non compliant patient he had ever had. I knew that. :)
I have a fever of a 101 today. My red and white blood cell counts are both low. I got my injection of Aranasep, a new prescription for pain meds....and a very long talk from my oncologist who seems to think I am stubborn patient. DUH!
Today's discussion was difficult. It reduced me to tears. I'm scared and I don't like being scared. Just as my doctor said, it's come to a point where I have to do something. I can't just do nothing. I know that's true, because as of now the quality of my life is being affected...and that goes against everything I believe. So, surgery vs. radiation.
Dr. Orr's given me his opinion. He thinks it doesn't matter to me. It really does. In the next few weeks, I will have a new oncologist. The new oncologist will have the "recommendations" from Dr. Orr and the heads up on my attitude. (What attitude???) Dr. Orr promised me he wouldn't choose a doctor for me that couldn't give me the bed side manner I needed. I thanked him. It made me cry harder. I'm ready to make a decision. I'm scared though. Really, really scared.
On a much lighter note, while I was skipping the doctor's appointment yesterday I went over to Julie's house to play. Yeah, I know. I couldn't drive to the doctor's office but I could go over to a friend's house. Hey ~ she lives 10 minutes away!!!!!! Anyway, I was greeted by two adorable friendly little faces who didn't hesitate in hugging me. I'm telling you...if her kids keep doing that...they will NEVER get rid of me!!! Thank you Julie I had such a great time...and no matter how much pain I was in I could have stood up and sang like that forever!!!!!!!!!!! :)
Grey's Anatomy is on....gotta go. I love y'all bunches.
*** Please keep Nathan (He's home from the hospital, YEAH!!!) , Ms Bobby (She had successful surgery today!!!!!!!!!!), Father Steve, and Ms Pammy in your prayers. They are all fighting the battle with cancer too .
If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!
5 comments:
Hello my friend. I know that what you are going through right now is far from easy and the decision's that you have to make are going to be long and hard. You need to do what is right for YOU and only you. You spend far too much time taking care of everyone else's feelings and don't do enough to worry about your own. Your strength is something that has always amazed me and one day, I hope that I can have half of the charm, wit, strength, and faith that you posess in your everyday life, even when you would rather scream, that's not fair! I know with all my heart that whatever you decide, it'll be the right choice and then we can look forward to many more laughs to come. Just know that even if I am not there to rub your back, bring you some goodies, or just hold your hand (as much as I'll want to be) I will be there with all of my heart and soul to help you along to a speedy recovery............June isn't that far away and of course we have a hell of a celebration to do!!!!
I am here if you need a shoulder to lean on....I just wish that here was there. I love you more than words can say and I am so blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for making me your friend!!!! Who would've thought?!!! Right????
Love you and miss you so much! I am glad that you have Julie....she sounds absolutely wonderful!
Hugs and prayers,
Michelle and of course Michael too!!!! He misses you!!!
I've been feeling pretty cruddy too. Wild headaches - probably sinus related. Been taking naps everyday after work! I'd bring you some chicken noodle soup but I really can't stand the stuff myself - something about childhood and only being allowed to eat that when I was sick - blech!!! We'll miss you at the crop tomorrow and at the cookie booth but know that I will be freezing enough for the both of us! I really think a brandy slush will cure most illnesses but . . . . . Gotta go, those precious children of mine are having a farting contest behind me and I better stop it before I have to do an extra load of laundry! Love you - get better soon love Julie
Michelle~ For someone that doesn't like to hear me cry...HEEEELLLLLLLOOOOOO. And what's this talk about June? I'll be there in March silly girl. Give Michael a big hug for me and a huge one for you too. I miss you so much. I love you tons. Ohhh and thank you for answering your phone. I'd die if you didn't. : )
Julie ~ Who said I wasn't coming to do cookies?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll be there!!! I'll be there!!! But no farts please. :) xoxoxoxoxox
HeyGoofy....your right I hate hearing you sob...but if it means that you are dealing with life then I'd rather have it out then in....anyway, I know you'll be her in March but June is the birthday and while everyday is a day of celebration...the princesses birthday is the main event!!!
Happy Girl Scout Cookies...I'll be off to do a show and then basketball game, hopefully I'll make it in time. Call me and much love and hugs!!!
Michelle
And, the phone is always open:)
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