Just A Matter Of Time

Last night, the fall air was almost more than I could take! As much as I love this weather - I had to close my bedroom windows.  I even brewed some tea to take the chill off.  I cannot believe it's almost November.  Time seems to be flying by so quickly.  I'm really looking forward to Thanksgiving with my family!

The transition back to South Carolina is always difficult for me.  I feel a little "blue" and not busy enough.  Especially compared to how busy I was in DC.  I know I have to figure "this one" out....so I started figuring. :)  I organized some  of my"stuff" and put some of my other "stuff" aside for the neighborhood yard sale on Saturday.  I dusted.  I alphabetized my cd's.  Ohhh this is beginning to sound pathetic!!!! I also decided to start making my Christmas cards early.  Of course, I say that every year...and every year I find myself cramming to get them finished and in the mail.

I failed to mention I began writing this while waiting for my test results. The good doc says my head and brain are tumor free. Phew! That's GREAT news.  He also said he isn't sure why the cancer is progressing again at a fast rate  He told me that if doctors had an answer for why...there would be a cure for the disease.  One of the last things he said to me was it's only a matter of time...

I didn't so much care for that sentence.  Even though I knew exactly what he meant and what he was eluding to.

I'd much rather think of that "news" just as my sister said...  "it's a matter of time, God's time."  Therefore, I'm closing this tonight with hope and optimism.  In 2001, my oncologist told me I'd be lucky to see two more years.  When my cancer later metastasized to my lungs, it was less than eight months.  We all know...God isn't quite ready to handle my fury.  :)  So, in God's time it is.    

Please Say Prayers For:

* Nathan he is back at home, continuing to win the battle.* Ms Bobby ~ she is being treated with radiation. * Mr. Russo ~ continuing to win the battle. * Ms Pammy ~ recovering from surgery and winning the battle. * Lenore ~ she's having a recurrence but continues to fight and win the battle. * Cindy ~ she's in remission!! * Tammy she's in remission!!  * Momma Joyce ~ she had a successful surgery and is home recovering. * Ms Margie ~ she is winning her battle with breast cancer.  * Krissy's husband, John who continues to win the battle. *Trish ~ she is continuing to win her battle with breast cancer. *Sugar ~ she is continuing to win her battle with cancer. *Jay Carey and his family. He is in Iraq fighting the war.*Frances and her son, Matthew.  He is in Afghanistan.

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Sometimes "Busy" Isn't So Good...

            

Apparently, my cancer has been just about as busy as I've been.  PET scan results weren't very good.  I go back on Monday for a CT scan and an MRI of my head.  Dr. Jennings is afraid the PET scan may have missed something.  My lungs are infiltrated now and my spine also.  He reassures me attitude is at least half the battle.  I agree, BUT oh sigh...

I stayed on the phone with my sister last night into the wee hours of the morning.  Three hours and 27 minutes we talked.  When we were saying our good night and goodbyes...we were both incredibly punch drunk.  To be quite honest, I think the majority of our conversation was giggling.

This is short, I know.  More tomorrow.  I love y'all.

 

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (He is back at home again!), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore ~ she's having a recurrence in her lungs, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission), Krissy's husband, John, Jeannette, Ms Margie and Ms Joyce (she's having another surgery on Monday). They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family. He is in Iraq fighting the war.

 *** Please say prayers for Frances and her son, Matthew.  He is in Afghanistan.

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

Good Morning

Good Morning!  Can you feel that Autumn chill????  Oh my.  I love it.  I promise, I am going to get back into the swing of "things" and write everyday.  REALLY.

I saw Dr. Jenning's yesterday.  I cannot tell you how blessed I am to have doctors that "get" me and that I love and trust.  He's fabulous.  He ordered a PET scan for today. 

Click here: Nuclear Medicine, PET

We also discussed my options to stop all the bleeding.  At the end of my appointment, I asked him what he would advice his sister or mother to do. It looks like I'll be having a procedure done next month.  It should make my uterus much happier, which of course will make me happier.

Mom and Dad are EXTREMELY busy and the tired.  The new house is just about finished. We're all hoping and praying by Thanksgiving we'll be having dinner there.  Now, THAT is exciting.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, I heard through the grapevine my family from Philly is going to join us.  The Browning Bunch will be here too.  Oh joy!!!!  A crowded house, lots of animals and a whole bunch of love and laughter!!!!!!!!!  Blessings in abundance.

Who are y'all sharing Thanksgiving with??????

I need to get in the shower.  If I get results from the scan today, I will post them of course.  If not, I will write before bed time.

I love y'all.

PS ~ PLEASE say some extra prayers for Ms Joyce.  She's having surgery today and has just begun her battle.

Back In The South

I started writing this in the airport.  Would someone please donate a laptop or help me with a bake sale so I can raise some money?!!!!!!!!!!!  :)  I can barely even read my chicken scratch!

I simply hate goodbyes.  They suck.  Not two minutes before we got to the airport Ellie says, "Aunt Rene, are you going to cry?"  I respond, "I always cry when I leave Ellie".  She says, "Ummm yeah I know, that's why I asked."  Ha ha! That kid doesn't miss a thing!!

I love the Browning kids.  They are precious.  Now, as they get older I have the chance to know them better as individuals and establish an Aunt Rene relationship or "connection" with them.  What else can I tell you, other than I am selfish??!!  Should God take me tomorrow...I want each of them to have a distinctive memory of me, besides my cancer.

I already miss my sister.  Well, I missed her about 2.2 seconds after I boarded the plane.  I cried when the plane took off.  I also found myself taken back by how amazing the color of the leaves on the trees were from the sky.  WOW.

Yesterday, was the first Sunday in four weeks that Stephen and I didn't do coffee and go bowling.  Needless to say, we both woke up feeling sad and grumpy. Sigh...

Other "stuff"...

Pamela promoted "Ms Barb" to Aunt Barb.  Why not?!  She really is family, and the kids adore her.

There's a rumor that my Uncle Don and Uncle Gravy are coming here for Thanksgiving!  How cool is that?????????

I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday with my oncologist. I still feel decent. Some coughing. Some pain, but I feel good.

I'll be back in DC in December.  : )

Check out the song Moments by Emory Drive.  It is awesome.

I'm off to bed.  I love y'all. Thanks for being patient with my lack of entries, and for continuing to read.

 

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (He is starting chemo and radiation again.), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore ~ she's having a recurrence in her lungs, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission), Krissy's husband, John, Jeannette, Ms Margie and Joyce (she's having surgery Friday). They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Brenda.

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is in Iraq fighting the war.

 *** Please say prayers for Frances and her son, Matthew.  He is in Afghanistan.

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go backto my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

 

Beautiful People

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." 

- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

In Response...

I didn't set the house on fire or kill anyone with my cooking!!  A matter of fact, my pork chops were REALLY good!  Are you reading this Mom and Dad??  I even made breakfast in the morning...and I'm not talking about just toasting a couple bagels!

The Browning's returned last night around 9:00 pm.  The day was hardly quiet before their arrival though.  After breakfast, Stephen and I went bowling.  Ok, he did. I watched.  Then Barb came over to watch the Skins game.  But ohhh why wasn't the Eagles game being televised on cable??  So, we jumped in her car and went to our favorite pub. As you most of you know, we frequent that pub and have always since our younger drinking days.  Let me tell you, we've never seen it that crowded!!!!  They even had all of their TV's labeled as to which game was showing so you knew where to sit.  We order the essentials beer, pizza and a chicken ceasar salad and sat and watched the Skins and Eagles games.  Can you see my smile??  The Eagles pulled through to a  win!!  The Skins...not so much.  I love good football!!!!

Thank you for all of the positive responses to my previous entry.  I write from being inspired and I consider "it" my gift.  Trust me when I tell you, I won't make apologies for what I've said or "argue" my opinion.  Those that know me well, know I'm not one to hold my tongue.  With that being said, this is to the two emails that were sent directly to me and not posted as comments to my entry (which in itself, I find humorous!).  You never know what life holds for you.  Sometimes, the future has a way of "falling down" mid flight when you least expect it. It isn't our "place" to judge anyone for circumstances we know nothing about.

Lastly, people cannot collect an unemployment check without a valid address and employers won't hire you without the same.   Are we done here?? Next page please...

I feel good, with the exception of some pain and a little nausea.  The meds are working.  I am grateful.

I'm getting in the shower now. I'm certain there's some kind of mischief I can get into!!

I love y'all tons!  

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (He is starting chemo and radiation again.), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore ~ she's having a recurrence in her lungs, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission), Krissy's husband, John, Jeannette and Ms Margie. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Brenda.

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is in Iraq fighting the war.

 *** Please say prayers for Frances and her son, Matthew.  He is in Afghanistan.

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

One Dollar and a Smile

I find myself in this situation often.  I get the inspiration to write, but I'm not in front of my PC.  So, FYI I started this entry in the car on a piece of paper with my chicken scratch. 

I just gave one dollar to a man asking for money at the light we just stopped at.  I realize this is going to create some controversy, rolling of the eyes perhaps and even some negative comments.  Ohhh it already has.  :)  I'm ok with that.  Bring it on.  The man wasn't holding up a sign telling his story, he didn't smell like alcohol and no I didn't ask him what he was going to do with the dollar I was giving him.  I don't actually know that it would have mattered if I asked, or if he told me.  I wasn't judging him, at all.

"People" always say that "those people" can beg...why can't they look for jobs?!??  All that comes to my mind when I hear that is...would you hire someone who hasn't washed their clothes, didn't know when their next shower was going to be and was standing on the street corner asking for donations?  That was a rhetorical question.  I already know how most people would answer that!  Again, I'm not his judge.

                                       

I haven't really held a steady full time job in almost three years.  I have medical bills totaling over $90, 000, no health insurance, upcoming doctors appointments and labs that need to be done and prescriptions I will remain on for the rest of my life that have to be paid for. 

I do have extremely supportive family and friends (emotionally and financially), a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in and I never go hungry.  I also have hope and prayers.  However, I believe if I didn't have all of the above, I too could be one of "those people" asking for money on the corner...hoping to make it or simply get by.  Again, I don't know that man's story and I am not his judge.  I do know that one dollar, a smile, and saying "I'll pray for you" isn't going to "break me"...and who knows maybe, just maybe I can be the difference in his (or someone else's) life.

The Browning's are at MN's house in Virginia for  the weekend.  The boyfriend picked the menu, and I'm cooking it!  I hope I don't kill him or set Pamela's house on fire!  I'll let you know how it goes.

I have a story.  I know many of you do too.  I'm going to keep telling mine regardless of who judges me or has something to say about my life and the way I am living it.

Don't be so quick to judge.  Everyone has a story!!!  Try listening first.  Really listening and hearing.  It may be your greatest lesson yet.  

I love y'all tons!

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (He is starting chemo and radiation again.), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore ~ she's having a recurrence in her lungs, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission), Krissy's husband, John, Jeannette and Ms Margie. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Brenda.

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is in Iraq fighting the war.

 *** Please say prayers for Frances and her son, Matthew.  He is in Afghanistan.

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

Dear God,

Thank you for allowing me another day.
Thank you for welcomed exhaustion from a busy day.
Thank you for family bedtime prayers.
Thank you for the chance to start over with someone I love and equally as important...teaching me truth and forgiveness.
Thank you for music and allowing me a song and a voice and the moments to share it with the "little" ones I love and adore.
Thank you for testing my patience and reminding  me that it isn't always about me, even though I'd like it to be.
Thank you for the banter of small voices outside my bedroom door and for allowing kisses to make it all better.
Thank you for my sister and all of my family and friends.
Thank you again for reminding me it is all small stuff and even when it is REALLY BIG STUFF...I can continue to climb the hill with hope and a whole bunch of faith and prayers.
Thank you for hearing prayers and for answering them too.
Thank you for the gorgeous pink sunset and for the cool Autumn breeze.
Thank you for safe travels and familiar voices.
Thank you for comfortable silence and for moments of awe.
Thank you for laughter and tears and every emotion that "tells" me I am living life as I should be.
Thank you for allowing me to use cancer as my gift and for the lessons to teach others about tragedy too.
I promise to "keep on, keeping on"...as long as you'd like to have me here.   :)

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (He is starting chemo and radiation again.), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore ~ she's having a recurrence in her lungs, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission),Tammy (she's in remission), Krissy's husband, John, Jeannette and Ms Margie. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Brenda.

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is in Iraq fighting the war.

 *** Please say prayers for Frances and her son, Matthew.  He is in Afghanistan.

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

Wow, It's Been Four Days

I can't believe I let four days go by without writing.  I don't usually let more than two, because I know people worry.  SORRY!!  I've actually been feeling good.  There was the exception of some pain that knocked me out on Wednesday and some vomiting yesterday BUT I do feel good.

It's constantly busy here at the Browning's.  I'm not complaining.  It always makes for an adventure...and for scrap book entries for each of the kids.  That makes me happy.  Memories.

I went to riding with Sarah and Pamela yesterday.  It was some nice down time (well, after we sat in traffic) feeling like an extremely proud Aunt Rene and having some much needed laughter with my sister.  She's absolutely super woman if you ask me.  As selfish as this sounds, I cherish and take advantage of the moments I have alone with her.  Just my sister and I.

The Browning's are on a Cub Scout camping trip this weekend.  Ellie was convinced that "Aunt Rene does so camp".  I used to, even hiked through Israel, Masada and to the Dead Sea.  However, I  haven't in years...and have since developed a ummmmm....PRINCESS mentality.  I have to be honest...I love sitting outside...feeling the sun and the breeze.  BUT, I also love my hair dryer and a comfy bed.  Get it???  :)

I saw my friend Beth this past week and met her new baby, Lauren.  Up until now, I had only seen pictures of "Lo - Lo".  It's amazing how quickly babies/kids change...and a reminder of how important it is to pay attention and not take the time for granted.  Beth and I have known each other for 35 years.  We are ten days apart.  When we were little she used to bite me all of the time.  Her mother said that she always washed Beth's mouth out with soap...but it didn't matter.  She still did it.  We were hysterical when she told me her son Drew (3) was a biter.  We decided it's a trait that must be hereditary.  She's an excellent mother.  I'm certain she'll "figure" this one out.  After all, she stopped biting and carrying her blankie at 11 years old!  Just kidding!!  I think.

I'm spending the remainder of the day with Stephen...quiet time, pampering and dinner.  I'm sure I don't need to say I'm looking forward to it.  It's a given!!!

I'm behind on returning phone calls.  Please forgive me.  Something about the kids and that man makes me not want to miss a moment of being alive.

I heard I missed a GREAT Girl Scout meeting on Thursday.  I cried when I heard the message of the entire gang.  We have 14 girls now...but it sound like 50 when they were yelling into the phone for me!!  Jules I miss you.  I miss those girlies too.

I am going to close this for now.  I need to pack and get pretty.
I sure do love y'all and will write soon.

Where I've Been And Why...

* Behind the girls door in their room.  How else can I yell "boo!" if I'm not hiding from them!??!!!!
* Sitting outside in the grass contemplating a game of Duck, Duck, Goose.  It's been so pleasant outside and well...that's a GREAT game!
* At Wal Mart.  Prescriptions, prescriptions, prescriptions.
* CVS...same as above.
* In Daniels' room.  He got a new fish.
* Barb's house.  To visit with her Dad.  Oh and "steal" her leather coat.
* OUR favorite Pub.  Self explanatory.  ha ha ha!
* In my brother in law's cool and fast car.  Helllllloooooo that's how I am driving into Mo County.
* In traffic...because other than The Browning Bunch being here...DC sucks!
* The bowling alley. ALOT!!!! Stephen is a fantastic bowler.
* Starbucks. Self explanatory.
* In the kitchen.  Humoring my sister and offering to make supper!
* Aspen Hill...long walks.
* The Library. (Stop laughing!)
* The gym.  To watch the kids do gymnastics.
* On the couch. Self explanatory.
* In bed. Self explanatory and, where I should be right now!