I woke up to some really terrible pain this morning. I've been "drugged" and tucked into bed all day and food is not my friend. I spoke to my oncologist, and postponed the tests until tomorrow at 2:10 pm.
I love y'all. Thanks for continuing this journey with me.
Thank you to everyone that sent me emails regarding my pain meds. I GREATLY appreciate it! I saw another oncologist today (mine was not in the office) who was fabulous. For now, I am going to switch pain meds, and if those do not "cut it" for me. WE will revaluate and than decide what to do next. My blood work came back showing poor kidney function. Not great news considering the possibility that the cancer might have spread. I had more blood taken for a serum creatinine test. This will show if I am in kidney failure. Thursday I'll have a full body scan and an abdominal ultrasound to look at my kidneys. Fun, fun, fun!
I was fortunate enough to recieve a phone call from a friend of mine in Maryland who asked me if another friend of mine had moved closer to where he lives. I responded yes, he then tells me he thinks he is shopping right next to her. Long story short, he makes certain it is her, gives her his cell phone so I can say hello...and ALAS we have "found" each other after five years! I cannot even begin to tell you haw grateful I am. We have much catching up to do. We've already started by exchanging pictures and "stories". Let me tell ya, five years makes a huge difference in growing kids. Her girls are teenagers now. Her oldest will have a driver's license soon! YIKES. I'm old. Ha ha. :)
American Idol will be on soon...and well I'm an American Idol junkie so I gotta go! Don't forget to count your blessings and the crossroads you come upon.Sometimes all it takes is a baby step forward to make a huge difference in your life. "G", I am very proud of you!!
I sure do love y'all!
Please say prayers for: Dawn Brown*Sherry and family, Chris Read *Nathan *Cassie and family*Ms Dawn *Cathy's dad, Bill and her mom, Pam*Lisa and her family *Ms Bobby * Mr. Russo*Ms Pammy *Cindy*Tammy*Momma Joyce*MsMargie*Krissy's husband,John*Trish*Sugar*Mr. Carey and his wife, Irene*Jay Carey and his family.*Frances and her son, Matthew.
If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title, MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!
I admit it. I'm like a mouse in a corner when I don't feel good. I just want to be left alone.
I know a few of you have left several messages and sent emails. I'm really not a bad friend or cousin (FC!). REALLY. "That's" just what I do when I'm feeling sad or overwhelmed or all of the above.
Did you know Oxycontin consists partially of one of the same chemicals in heroin?? Yup, sure does. I'm not taking it anymore. I am going back to Loritab and Vicodin. Yes, I know some of you will argue the Vicodin can be habit forming. I realize this, BUT it isn't heroin based. YIKES.
Mom and I threw down some crab legs the other night. I haven't done that in quite awhile. YUMMY. Although, I paid for it in the morning. My tummy wasn't so happy with me. My oncologist told me to eat what I can...just keep it down. Grapes and PBJ seem to work well. Speaking of PBJ, what are some of YOUR comfort foods????
I have a phone date with Stephen very shortly. There 's a PBA tournament on. His favorite bowler is in it.
Movies to rent: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Thank You For Smoking and Invincible.
More later....maybe. I love y'all.
Please say prayers for: Sherry and family, Chris Read *Nathan *Cassie and family*Ms Dawn *Cathy's dad, Bill and her mom, Pam*Lisa and her family *Ms Bobby * Mr. Russo*Ms Pammy *Cindy*Tammy*Momma Joyce*MsMargie*Krissy's husband,John*Trish*Sugar*Mr. Carey and his wife, Irene*Jay Carey and his family.*Frances and her son, Matthew.
If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title, MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!
How many Phenergan does it take to make a cancer patient stop vomiting?? If I knew the answer...I assure you I'd be feeling much better. ARGH!!!!! This is pathetic.
Yea, basically that's what I feel like right now. I'm grumpy. I'm not holding any food down. My tummy and back hurt. Sigh. I'm not letting cancer get the best of me...REALLY. Sometimes it just sucks.
Gratefuls:
1) My parents tolerate and love me.
2) Meds
3) Fluffy pillows
4) A sense of humor.
5) My doggie.
I love y'all. Good Night.
Uncle Gravy and Dad battled over the dinner tab Friday night. Big surprise! Dad won. Uncle Gravy paid the time after. This is a never ending "argument" between Felkoff and Friedman!! Gotta love it!
Uncle Gravy and Aunt Arlene (Uncle Gravy's sister) arrived Friday afternoon, on their drive back from Florida. It was wonderful!!!!!! It's never quite enough time together though!
Saturday, the weather was yucky. Just cold and icy. I wasn't feeling great BUT there was a Girl Scout outting, so ya know I couldn't miss it! We went to an assisted living complex to play bingo. Well actually, to help play bingo. It was such a blessing. You could tell the folks were touched, and really enjoyed us. It was very humbling. I hope for the girls it was too. It's amazing how something so simple can touch someone else. Even if it is a touch on the hand.
I took the picture (sorry it was with my camera phone) above when I was leaving the new house today. Is that hilarious???????????????? Do you see any snow or ice on the grass??!!!! Oh my goodness. People here just freak out if the weather calls for snow or ice. It is comical!!!!! (DO you think they know there is a spelling error???!!)
There was an open house at the old house today. So, we spent time at the new house. It was cozy and extremely pleasant. Even the doggie enjoyed the sun that was shinning in through the windows. Oh how couldn't she!! Don't ya love falling asleep or sitting in a ray of sunshine ??!!!
I'm done for the night. I'm exhausted and my cough is irritating me....STILL! I'm going to finish watching the game and tuck into my snuggly bed. I hope the weekend was good to you, and you are counting all your blessings. Travel safely Uncle Gravy!!!
I love y'all.
Please say prayers for: Chris Read *Nathan *Cassie and family*Ms Dawn *Cathy's dad, Bill and her mom, Pam*Lisa and her family *Ms Bobby * Mr. Russo*Ms Pammy *Cindy*Tammy*Momma Joyce*MsMargie*Krissy's husband,John*Trish*Sugar*Mr. Carey and his wife, Irene*Jay Carey and his family.*Frances and her son, Matthew.
If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title, MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!
I went into the garage earlier today, (we're still in the old house) to get a bottle of ginger ale. I chuckled noticing how many boxes remain there. These boxes aren't packed for this upcoming move. They are STILL packed from the transition from Maryland to South Carolina. WE knew we wouldn't be in this house forever, so we didn't unpack completely. Now, speaking for myself when I arrived in South Carolina I unpacked my computer, some books, my entire angel collection and all my beauty and toiletry items. There are still at least 15 boxes in the garage labeled and taped that are mine. That stuff has been sitting in there for two years and I haven't wanted or needed any of it. Is there a lesson in there somewhere?? Something about the simplicity of life and what's really important. Sure, in many of those boxes are things I've wanted, gifts, trinkets etc. But nothing that makes or breaks me. Nothing I've even wondered about. Isn't it amazing how much worth we often put into the materialistic possessions in our lives?? When really our true worth as people should be the love and generosity we give selflessly, the relationships we share, the lessons we've learned and the gratitude we show God...and not necessarily in that order!!?? I can't lie. I'm eager to unpack all of my boxes. I'm just grateful that I don't have to break down the boxes and rip off all the tape (again) to find my true treasures and valuables in life.
If you haven't seen Stranger Than Fiction, watch it. If you have seen it, and didn't "get it", I implore you to watch it again. Lastly, eat a home made cookie with a glass of milk. ok???
I love y'all.
Please say prayers for: Chris Read *Nathan *Cassie and family*Ms Dawn *Cathy's dad, Bill and her mom, Pam*Lisa and her family *Ms Bobby * Mr. Russo*Ms Pammy *Cindy*Tammy*Momma Joyce*MsMargie*Krissy's husband,John*Trish*Sugar*Mr. Carey and his wife, Irene*Jay Carey and his family.*Frances and her son, Matthew.
If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title, MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!
I had a very important job this morning. I had to doggie sit. Julie's dog, Lucky "spilled" out of her truck yesterday and was rushed to the vet. Lucky is all of 5 lbs, so a tumble out of just about anywhere, is not good. Today, he needed some extra TLC and watching over just to make certain he was recovering ok.
The remainder of the day, I slept. Yep, all day. Other than dinner and watching part of American Idol. Sadly, I still feel exhausted.
I hope today found you embracing a new adventure or an old one you are passionate about. Remember life is short, don't hesitate living it.
I love y'all.
PS ~ To all those asking - YES! I deleted my profile on MySpace.
Please say prayers for: Chris Read *Nathan *Ms Dawn *Cathy's dad, Bill and her mom, Pam*Lisa and her family *Ms Bobby * Mr. Russo*Ms Pammy *Cindy*Tammy*Momma Joyce*MsMargie*Krissy's husband,John*Trish*Sugar*Mr. Carey and his wife, Irene*Jay Carey and his family.*Frances and her son, Matthew.
If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title, MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!
Main Entry: god·send
Function: noun
Pronunciation: 'gäd-"send also 'go d-
Etymology: back-formation from god-sent
: a desirable or needed thing or event that comes unexpectedly
I was called a "godsend" today. It sort of made me chuckle because if you read that definition above...I'm not exactly that. I do however understand the sentiment behind it. It's quite nice to be held in such high regard. Even though, I'm just me...because I assure you, sometimes I am rotten. BUT, I needed that "boost" today. I've been feeling somber.
So, what is something godsend to you?? A hot cup of tea from a friend on a cold morning? ? Someone sharing their "space" underneath an umbrella?? A hug from a familiar face after a very long day?
Mom and Dad are at the new house almost everyday "doing"...yes "doing". There's progress...but we aren't moved yet. There will be lots of pictures once it happens. I promise.
We've spent a couple of late evenings watching movies on recommendation from my favorite movie critic, Stephen. Swimming With Sharks Swimming with Sharks (1994) was good. Yes, it is an older flick. Spun, I watched alone. It's a brutal movie about addiction...so if you are looking for laughter and romance...this isn't the film! In queue, Stranger Than Fiction, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and Invincible.
Food hasn't been fun. We keep hoping ginger ale will do the trick! If only that was the cure!! Pain hasbeen under control for the most part. I'm taking the oxy exactly as it's being prescribed. I've been trying to take walks around the block. Mom asks me if it feels good to get out and walk. It does, REALLY...even if the tumor in my back nags me. The coughing is the same. I've noticed lots of bruising on my legs, thighs, and tummy. I don't know if it is from the Coumadin or lack of potassium. I'm going to see the doc this week for blood work to figure it out.
I'm going to close this for now. Thanks for coming here and reading. I sure do love y'all.
Please say prayers for: *Nathan ~ continuing to do chemo and fight the battle. *Ms Dawn *Cathy's dad, Bill ~ he is battling ALS and her mom, Pam too. *Lisa and her family *Ms Bobby ~ she is being treated with radiation. * Mr. Russo ~ continuing to win the battle. *Ms Pammy ~ recovering from surgery and winning the battle. *Cindy ~ she's in remission!! *Tammy she's in remission!! *Momma Joyce ~ she's been diagnosed with skin cancer. *Ms Margie ~ she is winning her battle with breast cancer. *Krissy's husband, John who continues to win the battle. *Trish ~ she is continuing to win her battle with breast cancer. *Sugar ~ she is continuing to win her battle with cancer. *Mr. Carey and his wife, Irene ~ They are beginning a new battle, his cancer has spread. *Jay Carey and his family. He is in Iraq fighting the war.*Frances and her son, Matthew. He is in Afghanistan. *Julie and Jon.
If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title, MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!
Arrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhh. Day three...my tummy hates everything. Tossing cookies sucks. So does Pedialyte. I'll write more later, maybe.
Both my Aunt Tania and Uncle Don (THANK YOU!!!) sent me the link for that clinical trial I've been talking about. I'm not certain I will qualify for it. Actually, I don't think I will. However, I am going to email the doctor with my questions and take it from there.
For those of you that don't know...I decided to stop treatment, quite some time ago. I wasn't giving up on my fight. I simply wanted the quality of my life back. Chemo was brutal and it took a huge toll on me in every aspect. There are days I don't even remember Mom coming over to feed me and do the "chores" around my house. I figured if I was going to die...I was dying while enjoying my life. Not with my head in the toilet. Not such a bad decision considering I'm still alive!!!!!!! :)
Please say prayers for: *Nathan ~ continuing to do chemo and fight the battle. *Ms Dawn *Cathy's dad, Bill ~ he is battling ALS and her mom, Pam too. *Ms Bobby ~ she is being treated with radiation. * Mr. Russo ~ continuing to win the battle. *Ms Pammy ~ recovering from surgery and winning the battle. *Cindy ~ she's in remission!! *Tammy she's in remission!! *Momma Joyce ~ she's been diagnosed with skin cancer. *Ms Margie ~ she is winning her battle with breast cancer. *Krissy's husband, John who continues to win the battle. *Trish ~ she is continuing to win her battle with breast cancer. *Sugar ~ she is continuing to win her battle with cancer. *Mr. Carey and his wife, Irene ~ They are beginning a new battle, his cancer has spread. *Jay Carey and his family. He is in Iraq fighting the war.*Frances and her son, Matthew. He is in Afghanistan. *Julie and Jon.
If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title, MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!
I am still itchy and get this...my sister has hives too!! Kind of weird, don't ya think?????
Today I packed, and packed some more and just when I thought I might rest...I called Julie who offered to come over to help. So she did. Other than my clothes and bathroom necessities. It's a done deal in my room!! I even vacuumed. I suppose tomorrow, I might actually put the boxes in my car and get them over to the new house, YEA!! how exciting!!!!!!!!!! Thanks Jules!! xoxoxox
Now, to answer some questions that have been asked....
I didn't take any pictures of my haircut. It basically looks the same as it did...the back is just a little shorter.
I will take pictures of the new house, once we begin "officially" moving in.
Yes, I will also post pictures of the kids from Christmas. (Thanks for asking!!!)
I'm not certain of any details with the clinical trial. I don't know if everyone gets "standard" treatment and some get placebo's. As soon as I know, I promise I will let y'all know.
Thank you Krissy for nominating my journal for the Guest Editors pick..and thank you Guido for the congratulations!!! I am flattered and touched. I hope others come to share my journey!!
Below is something I've pasted in from The Cancer Crusade. It's everything we cancer patients want to say, but aren't quite sure how to say it!!
When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness,
that is a friend who cares.
~ Henri Nouwen ~
Out of Solitude
Whether you are a newly diagnosed survivor or someone who loves him or her, cancer rocks your world. We survivors have our own issues to face, but those of you who care for us can help by learning what not to say. We know you mean well, but please avoid the following platitudes:
"God won't give you more than you can handle." This implies that God gave me cancer. I don't buy it. The God I know is about goodness and light and love and healing. He doesn't throw down lightning bolts of cancer (or other catastrophes for that matter); that kind of thinking went out with ancient mythology. My cancer was caused by some cellular misfire, some rotten biological/chemical event, a chink in my body's immune system armor. Instead of telling me that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, remind me that God helps us handle what we are given.
"I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. You'll probably outlive me." Keep that up, and I can guarantee it. Look, if you're walking blindfolded down the middle of a major interstate highway during rush hour when you say this (because that's how I feel right now), it might make sense and I might agree with you. Otherwise, it's a meaningless remark that does nothing to make me feel better. In fact, now I'm worried about you. Thanks a lot.
"You have to have a positive attitude to beat this, so come on! Be positive!" You've just added to the terror I'm already experiencing. You have implied (whether you meant to or not) that I'm hurting my chances of getting well because I'm very sad and very scared right now. If you really want to help me, acknowledge and validate my feelings. Feelings are not facts, so you can't argue with them; please don't try. Instead, help me express what's in my heart and on my mind. You don't need to respond to everything I say. Just listen without trying to "fix" things. I will find my way to a more "positive attitude" as I gain understanding of my disease and treatment plan and as I begin to regain control of my life. Be patient with me. I'll get there in my own time.
"Don't cry. It will all be okay." These words are almost always said because the person who is witnessing the crying is uncomfortable. If you're uncomfortable seeing me cry, then please don't come around for a while. I need to cry sometimes, and I don't need anyone telling me not to. Crying is healthy. It helps me get the bad stuff out, and that helps make room for the really good stuff like wholeness and healing.
And you don't know if it will "all be okay" anymore than I do, so don't say that. In fact, don't say anything just to be saying something. If you can just sit with me and be with me and acknowledge through your silent companionship that we are mere mortals but we are in this together, that will be more comforting to me than anything
you could say.
Thanks for coming here. Don't forget to count your blessings and remember...I love y'all!!!
"In the middle of a crisis, stop and say thank you because you must believe on the other side awaits your lesson..."
I don't know where that quote came from, but I love it. It is so very true!
I took some Benadryl tonight on top of my anti nausea stuff. I have hives everywhere, from who kows what. If it seems like I am a bit incoherent, well I am. Ha ha ha.
My room is a disaster and what seemed like it should have only taken me a day to pack, is taking me close to three. I'm sure it doesn't help that I tend to be a little lazy sometimes! Hey, if you can't say it about yourself...someone else is going to call ya out on it!!! :) I am seriously going to try to finish tomorrow.
I had a Girl Scout meeting tonight. Ohhh I know I've said it before and I'm sure I'm going to keep saying it BUT I love those girlies!!!!!!!!! Cookie sales start soon, so if ya want a few boxes let me know! Hint...hint....
My father told me about a clinical trial in New York, for cancer patients. Uncle Don told him about it. I have to get the details before I'll consider anything. I am anxious to hear about it though.
I have to go now. My eyes are refusing to stay open. I love y'all.
Please say prayers for: *Nathan ~ continuing to do chemo and fight the battle. *Ms Dawn *Cathy's dad, Bill ~ he is battling ALS and her mom, Pam too. *Ms Bobby ~ she is being treated with radiation. * Mr. Russo ~ continuing to win the battle. *Ms Pammy ~ recovering from surgery and winning the battle. *Cindy ~ she's in remission!! *Tammy she's in remission!! *Momma Joyce ~ she's been diagnosed with skin cancer. *Ms Margie ~ she is winning her battle with breast cancer. *Krissy's husband, John who continues to win the battle. *Trish ~ she is continuing to win her battle with breast cancer. *Sugar ~ she is continuing to win her battle with cancer. *Mr. Carey and his wife, Irene ~ They are beginning a new battle, his cancer has spread. *Jay Carey and his family. He is in Iraq fighting the war.*Frances and her son, Matthew. He is in Afghanistan. *Julie and Jon.
If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title, MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!
I was really trying to post this before midnight! Oh fudge! I was busy catching up on emails! Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe it, 2008??!!! Thank God I made it!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
You'll be excited to know we moved some furniture, pots and pans and food into the new house so we were able to bring in the new year there! It was very exciting. Mom and Dad are just tickled, to say the least. There was yummy food, fireworks, vodka, champagne but most importantly family. You can't ask for more than that, right?
I spent today trying to pack boxes. If you ask my Momma she'll be able to tell you how many times I've moved since I was 19. I think this move makes it 11. Let me mention, I hate the packing and unpacking. Oh but I am unbelievably excited about this move!!!!!!!! YEA!!!!
We had dinner again together with the Browning's who have actually slept in the new house these last couple of days. They are headed back to DC tomorrow. :( I will probably be returning there in February. I know that's very soon. What can I tell you besides seeing the Browning bunch again, I get to see the whales and don't forget the man is there too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
I hope as you celebrated the coming of the new year, you were reminded of all there is to be thankful for. I also hope you were able to exhale with thoughts of any obstacles you overcame. Remember, there has to be a balance of both in life. Without sadness, you can never experience true joy. Without tragedy, you cannot experience true gratitude and the grace of living life in the moment. Love without conditions, laugh without caring what others think, and treasure every second you have. Tomorrow isn't promised to any of us.
Thank you for continuing to share this journey with me. I sure do love y'all.
Please say prayers for: *Nathan ~ continuing to do chemo and fight the battle. *Ms Dawn *Cathy's dad, Bill ~ he is battling ALS and her mom, Pam too. *Ms Bobby ~ she is being treated with radiation. * Mr. Russo ~ continuing to win the battle. *Ms Pammy ~ recovering from surgery and winning the battle. *Cindy ~ she's in remission!! *Tammy she's in remission!! *Momma Joyce ~ she's been diagnosed with skin cancer. *Ms Margie ~ she is winning her battle with breast cancer. *Krissy's husband, John who continues to win the battle. *Trish ~ she is continuing to win her battle with breast cancer. *Sugar ~ she is continuing to win her battle with cancer. *Mr. Carey and his wife, Irene ~ They are beginning a new battle, his cancer has spread. *Jay Carey and his family. He is in Iraq fighting the war.*Frances and her son, Matthew. He is in Afghanistan. *Julie and Jon.
If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title, MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!
