It Was a GOOD Day

Today was a good day.  I returned some phone calls that needed to be made.  I sat on the back porch, and caught the rays of the sun.  Napped. I laughed alot, cried a little and only had one "incident" with food.  Who needs dinner anyway!  :)

 

 

My biopsy is Thursday at 10:00 am. 

I will be arriving back "home" to DC, Saturday. YAAHOOOO!

 

*** Please say prayers for my family.

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (They didn't "get it all".), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission), Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is in Iraq, fighting the war.

 

If this is yourfirst time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

For Today

 Thank you Dad for the sausage and cheese balls.  Other than grapes, it's the only food I can eat.  Two in the morning for breakfast!  That's why my sister commented about eating foods shaped like spheres!

Thank you Mom for saying everything and nothing all at the same time.  I'm sorry you have to shut my door so often.  At least, the dog still wants to hang out with me when I'm tossing cookies!

Julie the cards made me cry, of course. I am unbelievably grateful for your friendship. I love you bunches. Mom said she met Lucky.  He didn't sit on HER LAP though!!!!!!!! Ohhh and by the way that song is called Wish Upon A Dog Star.  I'll explain it, later!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle thank you for letting me unleash today.  I felt much better after I said everything out loud.  I miss you and I cannot wait to see you.

S.B. ~ thank you for crying with me.  Plain and simple....I love you.

I've been reading Chicken Soup For The Surviving Soul.  I want to share one of my favorites.  Though there were 50 Things I've Learned Along The Way listed.  I picked what I felt mostly applied to my lessons.

* I've learned a patient doesn't just get cancer.  The entire family does.

* I've learned that helping people see the "gift of cancer" is a blessing.

* I've learned that healing the spirit is as important as healing the body.

* I've learned that hospital food MUST be a punishment for sins in a previous life!

* I've learned that your body believes everything you tell it.

* I've learned that timeflies whether you are having fun or not.

* I've learned that reality is what it is, and not what I want it to be.

* I've learned there is a HUGE difference between a major episode and a minor event.

* I've learned that if I don't celebrate the exquisiteness of each day, I've lost something I'll never get back.

* I've learned that grief has no rules.

* I've learned that no one promises us tomorrow.

* I've learned without a sense of humor, I might as well cash in my cards.

I'm exhausted and still in pain.  Coughing and not keeping food down, status quo.  No more bleeding...but shhhhhhhh I am afraid if I say it too loudly I'll jinx myself!

I am going to tuck in now.  Pamela if you are awake, please call me.

I love y'all tons.  Please keep the prayers and comments coming!

 

*** Please say prayers for my family.

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (They didn't "get it all".), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission), Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is in Iraq, fighting the war.

 

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

My Reality

Apparently I wasn't very clear while praying recently. When I told God I wanted to look good in a bathing suit...I didn't mean by way of tossing my cookies daily. And when I prayed to fall in love again before I died...I should have been more specific by saying I wanted to fall in love again and live a very, very long life with him, before dying.  :)

I'm trying to keep my sense of humor.  Some days it is easier then others.  Most days, the reality of my cancer...simply has me feeling down.

I know it isn't necessary to plead my case. I mean, I am usually glass half full.  However, I am feeling exhausted daily. The pain has not decreased, and the fact that I cannot keep a full meal down has become discouraging.  So, when I talk about "this" being the beginning of the end or I cry each time you hear my voice.  It isn't my lack of faith, or me not having the will to feel better or live.  It is my reality.

I realize that it is scary for everyone who reads my words.  I promise you though, it is the most frightening for me.  With that said, forgive me if I am not so quick to return your call or I am aloof.  Every part of me wants to be understood, but sometimes I can't explain what my reality feels like...and more so I don't want to sit and talk about it.

My biopsy for the tumor in my spine is still scheduled for this week.  The only purpose for it, is so that my oncologist can stage the tumor and know how much treatment I will need should I choose the Biological Therapy.

I am also scheduled to go back to DC this week. YEA!!!!!!

I am going to tuck in now. BUT not before asking....

UNCLE GRAVY ~ DID YOU TAKE YOUR PILLS TODAY?????

I love y'all tons.

 

*** Please say prayers for my family.

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (They didn't "get it all".), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission), Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is in Iraq, fighting the war.

 

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

"When You're Down To Nothing, God Is Up To Something."

 My cousin, Marsha (Yes, that's her in the picture with her husband, Lance) forwarded the story below to me.  My Aunt Gloria, was Marsha's mother.  Grab some tissues y'all.  I cannot stop crying.

                   A Little Boy's Story

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: "How is my little boy ? Is he going to be all right ? When can I see him ?"

 The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it."Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer ? Doesn't God care any more ? Where were you, God, when my son needed you ?"

The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son ? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university."

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. "Would you like a lock of his hair ?" the nurse asked.

Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.The mother said, "It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. "I said no at
first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom." She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could."

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back inhis room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:

"Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say "I Love You". I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably
wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look
like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD ! And guess what, Mom ? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything.
But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom ? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him ?' "God said He was in the same
place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool ? I have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit
at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all
gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery ! How about that ?"

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

 

If you're holding a grudge, let go of it.  If you can't forget the argument, forgive it.  If you are worried about the future, try living just for the day.  Laugh loudly, eat ice cream, spend a couple extra bucks, hold hands, buy flowers, have a lazy Sunday, believe in miracles, never forget the words I love you and pray, pray, pray.

 

I sure do love y'all.  Thank you for the continued inspiration. 

 

 

*** Please say prayers for my family.

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (They didn't "get it all".), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission), Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is in Iraq, fighting the war.

 

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back to my first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

The Fever Broke!!

My fever finally broke today.  It's only 100. I guess that's considered "breaking"....right?  My oncologist didn't find anything particularly wrong in my blood work.  Besides, the cancer.  :) Ohhh come on that was funny!! At least, I'm back to being me!  However, he put me on an antibiotic anyway.  Gotta love that.  I'm still tossing my cookies.  No end in sight for that!  Seriously!

Aunt Gloria's funeral was yesterday.  I was told by several people the service was beautiful. Aside from all the people there celebrating her life, there was plenty of laughter, music and tears. I'm still sad I wasn't able to be there.  I'm very sad she's gone.

Thank you for all the support and prayers.  Thank you, thank you, thank you. 

For all the "new comers"...please just give me a little time to catch up on "things". I promise I'll be adding the links to your journals...so we can share in your lives as well.

I love y'all bunches!  Remember...live in the moment best you can. 

*** Please say prayers for my family.

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (They didn't "get it all".), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission), Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is in Iraq, fighting the war.

 

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back tomy first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!

 

Wow...

I am  abundantly blessed.  Thank you, to each and every one of you for the prayers and blessings.  Thank you for lifting my family up...and for such kind, touching words.

Aunt Gloria's funeral is tomorrow in Philadelphia.  Mom and Dad left this morning.  Sadly, I am here at home.  I've spiked a fever of 102 and I've lost 5.5 lbs in the last three days.  We decided it's best for me to rest.

I will see the doctor later this afternoon.  I will let y'all know what's going on afterwards.

xoxoxoxoxox

9:55 pm ~ Blood work results and doctor prognosis tomorrow.

I love y'all.

God Gave Her Wings

In May,  I sent my Aunt Gloria an email.  In it, I told her she could borrow "my boots"  I told her that sometimes "the battle" sucked and she might need a tough pair to help her over the hills.  Her email replied, "Rene, you have been my idol throughout your fight with cancer. We'll do whatever it takes to win this battle. I thank you for sharing your boots with me.  I love you very much".

Today, I told my Aunt to keep my boots on and take them with her. A few hours later... she did.

 

 

My Aunt Gloria died today.  She was fighting her battle with cancer....but God was warming up her wings.

I'm glad she isn't suffering anymore.  We've all mentioned that she's with my Grandma now.  Comforting as that is, it doesn't stop the tears.

Before you go to sleep tonight, thank God for another day.  Thank God for your parents, your siblings, your dog and best friend.  Use the time you are given, making a difference.  Don't take a single moment for granted...and  never hesitate in saying I love you.  Tomorrow, may never come. 

A huge thank you to everyone leaving comments and saying prayers.  Keep it all coming PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love each of you and cannot tell you enough how much I appreciate you taking this journey with me.

 

*** Please say prayers for my family.

*** Please say prayers for Nathan (They didn't "get it all".), Ms Bobby (she started radiation), Mr. Russo, Ms Pammy (recovering from surgery.), Lenore, Trish, David Carey, Sugar, Cindy (She's in remission), Tammy (she's in remission) and Jeannette. They are fighting the battle with cancer too .

*** Please say prayers for Jay Carey and his family.  He is in Iraq, fighting the war.

 

If this is your first time reading my journal, PLEASE go back tomy first entry on 11-15-06 to read about the title MEET ME AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!! Thanks!